Episode 100,000: Where Julie Got Her Groove Back

Six weeks after the birth of my fifth child, things are finally starting to settle into place. I'm starting to feel like myself, my older children have adjusted to a new brother (meaning mommy is even busier than usual), and said baby brother is happy and healthy. The craziness of having five children has sunk in, and I've begun to accept this craziness. I feel calm, relaxed and able to cope. (Thank you, Lord!)

I'm ready to be productive again. I'm ready to go out and about with my large brood. (Maybe?) I'm blissfully in love with my family. And did I mention this weather? It's enough to set one's heart a-glowing.

Today I have a six year old working on a "book report". He's loving mommy's attention as he works.

Today I have a four year old, learning to read and happy to have mommy sit with her and help.

Today I have a two year old, coloring within the lines and trying to write E's all over the place.

Today I have a one year old, trying to copy everything her older siblings do...trying to say everything they say, trying to write.

Today I have a six week (!) old baby, napping sweetly in the bed we share.

Ahhhhh. This is the life.

Coincidence? I think not.

"Our blessed Lord experienced a terrible sinking and melting of soul. 'The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear?' Deep depression of spirit is the most grievous of all trials; all besides is as nothing. Well might the suffering Savior cry to His God, 'Be not far from me', for above all others seasons a man needs his God when his heart is melted within him because of heaviness. Believer, come near the cross this morning, and humbly adore the King of glory as having once been brought far lower, in mental distress and inward anguish, than any one among us; and mark His fitness to become a faithful High Priest, who can be touched with a feeling of our infirmities. Especially let those of us whose sadness springs directly from the withdrawal of a present sense of our Father's love, enter into near and intimate communion with Jesus. Let us not give way to despair, since through this dark room the Master has passed before us. Our souls may sometimes long and faint, and thirst even to anguish, to behold the light of the Lord's countenance: at such times let us stay ourselves with the sweet fact of the sympathy of our great High Priest. Our drops of sorrow may well be forgotten in the ocean of His griefs; but how high ought our love to rise! Come in, O strong and deep love of Jesus, like the sea at the flood in spring tides, cover all my powers, drown all my sins, wash out all my cares, lift up my earth-bound soul, and float it right up to my Lord's feet, and there let me lie, a poor broken shell, washed up by His love, having no virtue or value; and only venturing to whisper to Him that if He will put His ear to me, He will hear within my heart faint echoes of the vast waves of His own love which have brought me where it is my delight to lie, even at His feet for ever."

Spurgeon, Morning and Evening- April 12

As I was drifting off to sleep late last night, I realized how weary I was. My heart was heavy and sadness was overwhelming me. I've felt it for a while, just tried fighting it myself instead of turning to the One person who can help. I told myself no matter what, in the morning I was going to read Spurgeon and I told myself that more than likely, I could easily apply what he said to me... and so I can't say I was surprised after reading the morning devotional for today. Sometimes it just blows my mind how a passage can be exactly what you needed to hear at the exact time you needed to hear it. Predestined? Seriously.

Some Days...

...a mommy just needs to cry.

The Newest Member of Our Family

Better Late than Never

It's been quite a while since I took the time to blog, and now I have another birth story to share.

After a month and a half of wondering when this baby was going to come (because we were unsure of his "due" date), Silas Harper Hodges was finally born on March 2nd, two weeks and a day after the date we guessed was his EDD.

I had been having "false" labor for quite some time, but finally in the evening of March 1st, I started having real contractions, though for a while they were sporadic and didn't last long. I tried to go to bed around midnight but couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned until 2:30 when I could no longer ignore the contractions. That is when I started timing. They were about 8 minutes apart and lasting around 30 seconds. So I put off calling my midwife, and just got up and breathed through them. I did this til about 4am. Then they were 5-6 minutes apart, lasting around 45 seconds. Then I woke up my mom to tell her that my midwife would be coming soon. Then I called my midwife. She lives over an hour away so I knew I had some more time on my own. I woke Phil, put in a movie, and tried to watch. The contractions started getting even stronger, so I got in the shower and stayed there til the water started getting cold. Then back to the movie... it was close to six now, and Jenny still wasn't here. I went back to my room to find a comfortable way to work through the contractions. I focused on relaxing my muscles, which would naturally tense with each contraction, and leaned on our exercise ball. Phil was so wonderful through the whole thing. He was calm, and relaxed and helped me to relax... he was awesome! Finally Jenny's assistant, Margaret arrived and got the room ready. Jenny showed up before 6:30. I was already 7-8 cm dilated and so she broke my water around 7. By then contractions were very rough and right on top of each other, but as long as I stayed focused, it was easy to breathe through them. Around 8 I knew it was time. I pushed for about 45 minutes (I think... kind of lost track of time there), changing from squatting to standing, to finally, reclining against Phil. Since Silas was so late, the bones in his skull had already started to harden, making pushing much more painful than usual. But finally, at 8:43 am, Silas Harper Hodges was born. He weighed 8 lbs, 6 oz and was 21.5 inches long. His cord was so short, I couldn't hold him right away, but they put him on my stomach and he did the "breast" crawl! So cool! The sense of smell is so strong, some newborns instinctively head for the breast immediately after birth. (google "breast crawl" if you'd like... there are some really cool videos out there... warning, though... obviously there's some female nudity involved... duh!) Anyway, it was really cool.

The whole experience was wonderful. Not being tied down to a bed, not being poked and prodded, no extra "staff" in and out of the room, able to eat and drink what I please... Wonderful. I would have had all of mine at home, if not for the cost... Midwives can't accept insurance, and it isn't cheap to hire one. Annnnnnyway. I highly recommend it.

Now, almost 3 weeks after his birth, things are going well... The kids all love their new brother, and Silas is a sweet, happy baby. Mommy is a bit exhausted, but Silas is a great breastfeeder and is already getting fatter... the lack of sleep is definitely worth it.

Pictures from May 2009

Visit to Tennessee

One of my best friends lives about 2.5 hours from us in Cleveland, Tennessee. I met her (Joy) online about 5 years ago when I was pregnant with Lucie. We met on a pregnancy community site and ended up having our babies (Lucie and her Zoe) just one day apart. We take turns driving up (or down) every few months to visit. So we went up for Zoe's fourth birthday party on May first. Here are some pictures from our trip.

Beautiful Zoe.






Sweet Ella Belle.



My silly Lucie.



Friends forever.




My goofy Eden.



Joy and her boyfriend, Daniel. This was taken right after he told me that he was part Indian and believed that having your picture taken takes away part of your soul. I was surprised, and put my camera down in respect of his (weird) wishes... and he laughed and called me gullible! lol he and Joy are trouble... together, they are double.




Ella's first beer. lol. Don't worry... it was empty AND rinsed out!



She was being such a ham.



Zoe's party at Slice of Roma.



Eden again.



More silly Lucie with pink spray in her hair. She loved it.



Handsome Philip, who did NOT want me to take his picture all day.



The birthday girl, blowing out her candles.